heart of the stronghold

:: Thursday, July 20, 2006 ::

heh...
heart of the stronghold???

wats this suppose to be? a place of solace??
wats suppose to be found in the most secret of this stronghold...
am i even a stronghold?

it feels like i'm crumbling... like i have no more strengh left...
the walls are weaken by the oncoming of emmotional assault...
but again, emmotions are of no brains...
emmotions dont make who i am...

i am the son of the most high.. the one that a person so great would lay down his life for...
who am i? that bright and morning star, would care to know my name, from this ever wondering world...

not because of who i am,
but because of what u've done at the cross...

you took the wreck that i am and imputed ever shit that i ever was into yourself...
u made yourself look bad that i may look good...

why?? have we ever met? u knew me before i even know u...
u who have died for me knew that i never was worthy to have died for..
yet u still did it.. would a man die to save an ant?
let alone a god who die for me...

i cant.. only u can... lets meet.. i dont wanna wait anymore..
let us meet, at the stronghold, where u embrace me like a father to a child...
i'm your child, the one u love...

to be at the heart of the stronghold...
this is where i belong... =)

macho claps
1:15 AM

damned... what if u dont see tml?? but thats not the sad thing...
i dont want to wake up to find someone that i see everyday missing...
when i wake up, i see u asleep,
when u wake up, i leave the hse,
when i come back, u're still at work,
when u came back, i'm asleep...

but theres one thing in common...
we never get to see the hse from inside the house...

maybe thats why both of us find it so hard to connect...
strangely, all this things that we do, we do it for each other...
but is this the thing that both of us yearn badly?

......
funny, i feel so melancholic these days.. sheesh...
i know i'm not suppose to...
but i cant.. its this disgusting self-pity'risation kicking to me lately...

if only i have the power,
i would take all the pain you have,
put it inside me,
so just to be in hope of u smiling...

dont worry, just give it to me,
coz i will smile with u,
as long as u smile,
no pain can steal mine away...

u take my breath away!!!!!!

macho claps
1:00 AM

:: Thursday, July 13, 2006 ::

I've done everything as you say
I've followed your rules without question
I thought it would help me see things clearly
But instead of helping me to see
I look around and it's like I'm blinded

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me
Cause I don't know
If I can trust you
I don't understand what you want from me

I feel like I'm spinning out of control
Try to focus but everything's twisted
And all along I thought you would be there
THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THERE!!!!!
To let me know I'm not alone
But in fact that's exactly what I was!!!!!

I may never know the answer
To this endless mystery

Where should I go?
What should I do?
I don't understand what you want from me

Is it a mystery?

nvm, JUST F.O.(fuck off) !!!!!!!

macho claps
10:58 PM

:: Friday, July 07, 2006 ::

yea!!!! got my com back up... kinda miss this expierience of blogging at home... so much has happen... so much has been left out...

gotta admit, dreaming is easier than getting it done.. 1st and 2nd july finally came.. i lost my virginity race... haha... i'm no more a virgin to dragon boat races... =( thats not the only thing i "lost"... didnt won any important medals... instead, got 3rd in some lame TEAM ELIAS!!! arrghhh

life?? great??? ok.. not that bad... yo, have u ever like get to this place where u wanted to get to so badly!!??? coz u thought that once u got to this place.. you will be happy right?? but when i finally did.. it isnt wat i expected... hmmm...

alright alright... how about this.. another anology:
Your hands were holding a few KITES... but there's a particular kite that is tied to your finger and is hurting you.. so u try to untie this little knot so that u can hold it on your hand... but while doing so, you accidentally lost the rest of the kites.. including the one that u were trying to untie... gosh!!!!!! to make it worst, just as u were morning for your lost kites, a passer-by came and said.. "you should've charish wat you had" but do u think that passer-by care?? he just wanna give his piece of justification... quick to react with his toungue... but does he know that i didnt want to let go of any of these kites?? no!!!! he doesnt.. all he sees is that i wanna get rid of one kite.. not try to ease the knot... but the truth is that i still want that kite... haiz...

i wanna feel the wind to soar above all these crap... YOU who control the winds, pls help me.. i cant mount.. my wings are too long and heavy.. they arnt meant to flap... so help me!!! u gave me these wings so now provide me with the wind.. coz my wings are useless without your wind...

BE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS PLS!!!!

macho claps
4:38 PM