heart of the stronghold

:: Monday, November 27, 2006 ::

for such a so long, i've never blog when i'm in a good mood...

=)

niways.. just came back from a jog, reallie long one... haha.. (uh-huh) i'm aware that it was raining.. gosh, it was fun.. though i'm worried that i might fall sick but i rmb that i'm the righteosness of christ =)

i wished i knew how far i ran.. oh well.. sunday is D-Day.. gosh, 21.5km..

gotta pull through...

now, i'm burnt(face and back), braiseD and blistered (on my BUTT!)
thanks to rowing from kallang to east coast..

damn, re-enacting "saving private ryan" with the dragonboats at east coast was amusing... with the leadership of LT Denis... hmmmm *rubbish*

macho claps
5:50 PM

:: Friday, November 24, 2006 ::

i soo belive that i'm a pro at breaking my own heart.. i think that if theres anything that i'm best at, yeap, its breaking my own heart...

as a matter of fact, nobody breaks my heart apart for myself.. i choose to be heartbroken.. its my fault that i allow myself to go through those bloody emotional torment!! the same bloody torment that came from different ppl..

damn... as if i'm a "heart-broken-thirsty" vampire that cant help but suck on my emotional pain... as if it doesnt take long to heal this pain, i hurt myself again b4 i'm completely healed...

maybe hurting my heart is the only way to heal it?
i dont know....

since i self proclaim myself to be a pro, here are some tips to help you get heart broken too...

TIP #1
always put your full emmotions into something that doesnt give a damn about you...
this will give you the best stinging effect when the truth sets in...

TIP #2
expect to get something from the one YOU love... and dream of the best case scenario.. cause if it doesnt come.. YEAP, BINGO...

damn... and to think that you're just scared that it might hurt me, ITS HURTING ME MORE TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME KNOW!!!

nothing hurts more than being in the dark..
but i'll still wear a smile..
cause i know what goes on...

i'll just bite my tongue and keep those words... =)

LORD, MY HEART IS BROKEN NOW...
ITS A POINT WHERE I HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE ANYMORE...
CAUSE A BROKEN-HEART IS ALL I HAVE.

I KNOW YOU MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH
I KNOW YOU DIED OUT OF LOVE FOR ME
I KNOW YOU ALSO DIED WITH A BROKEN HEART (which can never compare to what i'm going through)

NOW LORD, TAKE WHAT IS LEFT OF MY HEART, HELP ME FIX IT CAN?
HELP ME RENOVATE IT, FORTIFIED IT WITH GREAT AND THICK WALLS THAT I CAN GUARD IT AGAINST ALL TROUBLE.. SET UP POST, SO THAT ANGELS CAN BE THERE TO SEE WHATS COMING TO ATTACK... LET MY HEART BE A STRONGHOLD THAT CAN NEVER BE INFANTRATED..

A HEART THAT IS AFTER YOU ALONE..
I PRAISE =)

macho claps
8:52 PM

:: Monday, November 06, 2006 ::

Hold me and never let me go..
let me feel what i have to feel...
i hate to cry i dont wanna go...

aniways... yeap, i've been less angry with myself alrdy.. thnks ppl for being there.. u know who you are..

yea, u're right.. its not the wall's fault that i've been knocking myself into it.. i'm sick of the cycle of always looking for walls to lean on, to boost my esteem.. perhaps thats why i knock into wall after wall..

NOTE: to all the walls the i've knocked into, "i'm really sorry". its not your fault, and i guess i've really childish to blame you all for being there..

but now the only solution is to aviod walking into anymore walls... sorry, i dont mean to make a big round now just to get to my destination, but i'm afraid that if i ever get to near to any wall, i might just knock into it.. and get your paint damaged..and worst, get my emotions injured and bleed again.. yea, for every scar on my heart, theres a wall somewhere scratched..

and yes, i scratched them after i found myself bleeding

its not their fault for being there..

i dont wanna knocked into any walls anymore... daddy, pls help me...

you said u love me dad, i dont know how much u do...
u said that i'm your world..

so daddy, would you stand to see your world crumble? cause i wanna know you more..

macho claps
8:50 PM